Suck my left toe.
Sir, There is NO NEED to sleep in the bleeding carcus of a mammal to keep warm. You clearly have the monetary means to call up your producer and check in at the nearest Residence Inn. If you're being filmed, they can hook you up.
Also, if you decide to sleep in a SOAKING WET cave again, maybe you should wake up a bit damp! Yes? No? Perhaps it's a foreign idea to you. And furthermore, asshole, I don't appreciate your completely outrageous survival circumstances. Never in my life will I come face to face with a bear. [The moose is questionable, considering my dream of one day moving to Canada, but that does not count for mere Americans!]
Sincerely,
Your least fan.
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